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Trapped in the Mirror | 
 enlarge | Author: Elan Golomb
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
List Price: $13.95
Buy New: $11.86
You Save: $2.09 (15%)
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Rating:  101 reviews
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 272
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.7
Dimensions (in): 9 x 6 x 0.8
ISBN: 0688140718
Dewey Decimal Number: 616.8585
EAN: 9780688140717
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| Editorial Reviews:
Product Description
In this compelling book, Elan Golomb identifies the crux of the emotional and psychological problems of millions of adults. Simply put, the children of narcissist -- offspring of parents whose interest always towered above the most basic needs of their sons and daughters -- share a common belief: They believe they do not have the right to exist. The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways: for examples, physical self-loathing that takes form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Dr. Golomb tells us. With an empathic blend of scholarship and case studies, along with her own personal narrative of her fight for self, Dr. Golomb plumbs the depths of this problem, revealing its mysterious hold on the affairs of otherwise bright, aware, motivated, and worthy people. Trapped in the Mirror explores.the nature of the paralysis and lack of motivation so many adults feelstress and its role in exacerbating childhood wrongswhy do many of our relationships seem to be "reruns" of the past how one's body image can be formed by faulty parenting how anger must be acknowledge to be overcomeand, most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.Rooted in a profoundly humanist traditional approach, and suffused with the benefit of the latest knowledge about intrafamily relationships, Trapped in the Mirror offers more than the average self-help book; it is truly the first self-heal book for millions.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 96 more reviews...
 Narcissism Dissected December 28, 2008
As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I knew that I've been beaten down, but the nuances Golomb shared have given me such clarity. If you are the child of a narcissistic parent; in a narcissistic relationship,and have issues without really understanding why you have those particular issues, this book can be of help. Don't swallow it hook, line, and sinker; but do read and absorb the parts that relate to you. Be prepared to not want to see the most glaring offender. I wanted to distance myself from my mother for a minute just so I could calm down and gain some perspective. This thing is generational and is such a horrid legacy. Please heed the sections about the narcissist's blind spots because if you believe that you will be able to make them see what they have been/are doing to you, you will be sorely disappointed. I am sixty years old and have just begun to be my own person within the past couple of years with the help of an excellent psychotherapist, who recommended this book to me. Peace and Joy!
 Trapped in the Mirror November 10, 2008
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
*******
"Really, it's a rant, a cathartic work aimed at healing her wounds... The objectivity of the author is zilch because she is personally invested in her own story and its presentation... At best, Golomb comes across as an egotist with a sharp tongue..."
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Quoted above are some reviewers with whom I must respectfully disagree. To those who have never experienced a childhood such as this, the book would understandably be confusing.
A "rant", no; angry, cathartic and self-absorbed, probably, but with reason. It is an anger-provoking situation. Catharsis is also understandable. As for self-absorption, here is an illustration of the illness under discussion having possibly been transmitted to the next generation (the author). She talks about that inevitability. But she cannot be fairly judged without knowing her parents who were her role models...I'll bet she has come a long way.
This author personally knows the suffering she documents, and despite her PhD in psychology, still struggles, still has no perfect answers. This book is a story of courage and generosity with the goal of wanting to transcend pain and to connect, share, and support. This is an area of psychology that invites much more investigation and many more therapeutic answers. Some forms of mental illness elude every remedy known to today's technology, and this may be one of them.
I saw a PBS medical documentary covering a study of a man who years ago was in a rather mild automobile accident, striking his head on the steering wheel and dash. He was unconscious for about half an hour. He recovered perfect physical health, however, the man's entire basic personality changed. He suffers extreme depression, is no longer the loving father he was, acts without empathy. The narrator explained with illustrations showing the inside of the front part of the human head, how areas of the soft tissue of the brain relating to the seat of personality organization reside in an area just behind a very sharp jagged bony structure which surrounds and holds the eyes and how the personality part of the brain can be permanently damaged in even such a mild collision.
I would strongly recommend this book if you have a parent who constantly demands attention and admiration and in turn continually demeans you, an indication your parent may be a "narcissist." In extreme cases, you may also find helpful the book "Without Conscience" by Robert Hare, which supplies related information without using the term "narcissist."
Other books have been written which are directed at spouses of "narcissists." Trapped in The Mirror is one of the few books that have been written for adult children in this situation; children and adult children survivors of this type of parent have special additional burdens and will be thrilled to find the validation for their experiences that this book provides.
I strongly recommend that if you are thinking of buying this book, also purchase "Children of the Self-Absorbed, A Grownup's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents" by Nina Brown, as a companion book. The latter offers many protective, coping, and empowering strategies and will help fill in gaps.
Despite all available advice and guidance, depending on your particular situation, your relationship with your "narcisstic" parent may present you with some lifelong challenges of the greatest magnitude.
frightening parallels November 9, 2008
Once I started reading this book, I held onto it like I had tunnel vision. I was completely blown away at how my ex-husband of twelve years was there in front of me on the pages in how Dr. Golomb describes Narcissists. Every box was checked. I ordered this book to try to find a way to help my daughter overcome her self destructive behavior that began manifesting itself when she was seven (she is now thirteen). Getting her away from her father was only the first major hurdle...she has a lot more healing that needs to be accomplished and I thank Dr. Golomb for giving me much needed perspective and helping me to understand more of what actually goes on in the minds of those whose struggles lasted well into adulthood. I look forward to sharing these stories with my daughter to help her realize that the negativity directed at her was not her fault and hope she finds and acknowledges her own worth. An invaluable book for those who have lived with and survived the Narcissistic personality disorder...a MUST read.
 Old but, It Will Do. November 6, 2008
This book should be read by those struggling with the after effects of having been raised by narcissistic or controlling parents; but it should also be read with scrutiny if read alone without previous, or further research on the topic of narcissism. One should also keep in mind the more current school of modern psychology while reading this work, as some of the matter is dated, and certainly written to the author's own conclusions.
The Library Journal is absolute rubbish. This book is outstanding November 3, 2008
This book was a life changer for me. Reading this and working with a councilor unlocked the cage I was in and help free me.
Buy the book. Take your time and read it. It is worth the journey.
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