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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It | 
 enlarge | Authors: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
Publisher: Broadway
Category: Book
List Price: $14.00
Buy New: $11.20
You Save: $2.80 (20%)
New (35) Used (8) from $6.92
Rating:  44 reviews
Sales Rank: 7957
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 240
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 7.7 x 5.1 x 0.8
ISBN: 0767923189
Dewey Decimal Number: 306
EAN: 9780767923187
ASIN: 0767923189
Publication Date: April 29, 2008
Shipping: Eligible for Super Saver Shipping
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Product Description
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and
Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
Love is not about better communication.
It's about connection.
You'll never get a closer relationship
with your man by talking to him like you
talk to one of your girlfriends.
Male emotions are like women's sexuality:
you can't be too direct too quickly.
There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines.
Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman.
Talking makes women move closer;
it makes men move away.
The secret of the silent male is this:
his wife supplies the meaning in his life. The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help. Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?
Wife: “Honey, we need to talk about us.”
Husband: “Do we have to?”
Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.
The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 39 more reviews...
 Best Book on Marriage January 8, 2009
I have been married 10 years to a very wonderful man. My marriage has been suffering for about 2 years now and I am on the verge of a divorce (his idea). I have read book after book on the subject as my husband refuses to go to counseling. This is BY FAR the most informative book I have read. To my amazement, my husband has even read bits and pieces when I have not been home and has talked to me about it. This book not only outlines how we arrived where we are, unlike a lot of others it gives very definite ways to change this viscous cycle and rebuild the connection you once had. As I read the "woman" parts I thought, "Yep, yep, that's the way I feel." When I read the "man" parts I thought, "No, kidding, I didn't know that!!" I can't wait to finish it and implement some of the behavioral tips and banish the destructive ones from our home. If I can do my part, perhaps he will do his and the pending divorce will be a thing of the past.
 Recommended by someone who didn't read it December 18, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I anxiously awaited this book. When I began to read the first chapter, I found the information very interesting. I went online to search for the research that the authors had done or had cited, and I could find no references to it. I also wanted to know the authors' credentials. This was not readily available either. Observation in personal practice is important, but other items were inserted in the book that make me want to verify their credibility. In a field all too full of "the answer" to a couple's relationship struggles, this is interesting, but I don't know how valid.
Wonderful book - for marriages and other relationships December 14, 2008
Thank you so much for this book. It has fundamentally altered the way I approach my marriage and many other relationships as well. The improvements have been, in many cases, instantaneous: as soon as I saw things in this new light, my behavior changed, and then so did the other person's behavior. Amazing!
One stumbling block for me was that I don't see myself (the wife) as "fearful" - so the fear/shame dimension didn't quite resonate for me at first. But oh my goodness I DO experience anxiety - so now I just think of it as an anxiety/shame dimension.
One of my most startling realizations: I hadn't realized how much my anxiety showed in small behaviors apparent to my husband. Surprise surprise - I often thought "he started it" -- but often it was my acting out my anxiety that came first. How humbling :-)
In my non-marital relationships (friendships, business associates, family members) the model doesn't fit quite so neatly, particularly along gender lines, but the underlying concepts play out all around me.
I have recommended this book to many of my friends and bought it for several. It's a lifesaver!
A great companion book, for the times when one SHOULD "talk about it" with someone: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Great book, even my husband liked it November 27, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Must read for every couple, really helpful. Valuable insights into the sensitivities and behavior of your partner and yourself. Practical advice to make your relationship better. Even my husband connected to the ideas and is reading the book, happily, after initially being very skeptical.
 Another book that encourages women to adapt to men - and not vice versa October 28, 2008
2 out of 4 found this review helpful
This is another one of those books that holds women ultimately responsible for the success or failure of relationships.
The premise is that women want to talk and men don't. That may be true. But the answer provided by this book? Men need to be accommodated and women should accommodate them! Gee - what a novel concept! Who would have thought!? Truly groundbreaking!
Then there is the whole "women are motivated by fear and men are motivated by shame" thing - which is pure stereotyping - and manages to make women responsible for both their own and men's failings by implying that women evoke the shame response in men whereas women's fear response is due to their own weaknesses. (We need men to protect us from, uh, ... other men?)
This book trades on women's willingness to accommodate others, and it also plays on men's terror of being thought effeminate. (Asking your man to communicate with you is really asking him to be a woman! Horrors! We'll be asking them to clean the toilet next!)
I for one am sick of these "Men and Women are From Different Planets" type books. We aren't. Isn't it time we expored our similarities?
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